Overdue Guilt

Tomorrow I start my new job as a library clerk. I am very excited, but I am also filled with a terrible fear that the Library Mafia has somehow tipped off the folks at my new place of employment that I am a repeat offender, an unregenerate late-returner who shamelessly lets her fines accumulate until they reach $5.oo and I am no longer allowed to take anything out. At which point I fork over the dough and search frantically through my messy room until I find the items in question. I'm afraid I will be met at the door by the library equivalent of a bouncer and tossed out on my ear or, even worse, forced to wear a scarlet O on my chest until I have repented.

In other news...I have made a vow to reread the entire Harry Potter series before Saturday. Who needs sleep anyway?

Things I've Done

15 Things I've done since my last post
1. Broke all my New Year's Resolutions
2. Finished The Brothers Karamazov, which was last year's New Year's Resolution
3. Moved to the suburbs to live with Handsome Boyfriend and World's Two Greatest Cats
4. Acquired a car
5. Relearned how to drive said car (as long as I don't have to go on the highway)
6. Got hit by by a bicycle
7. Worked many temp jobs
8. Learned that I do not enjoy office work
9. Learned that I may, however, enjoy office work more than serving coffee
10. Got a new job in a library
11. Paid roughly 24 dollars in overdue fines (to a different library)
12. Drank way too much wine
13. Played the lead in a Tennessee Williams play directed by an Enigma-obsessed madwoman
14. Mourned the fact that I put three months into it and no one saw it.
15. Learned that I am going to be an aunt next September.

5 Things I Haven't Done
1. Been to the dentist to get my 3 alleged cavities filled
2. Worn matching socks
3. Eaten 5 servings of fruits and vegetables every day
4. Unpacked
5. Blogged

Look at me, I'm blogging!

Shockingly enough, I have already broken pretty much all of my New Year's Resolutions. But if I 'm quick, I can still keep the one about blogging once a week.

Although at first Blogger wouldn't let me in because it claimed my cookie functionality was impaired. That really hurt my feelings. My cookie functionality is just fine, thank you. The fact that the last time I baked was roughly 1992 doesn't mean that I couldn't if I wanted to.

For Halloween this year I've decided to be a Responsible Adult. I haven't figured out the details of the costume yet, but matching socks will definitely be involved.

Workless

Unemployment is fun for the first two weeks. You revel in sleeping late, spending hours at the gym without having to rush off anywhere, you fall asleep at night blissfully free from worrying about all the stupid things you did at work that day and wondering if there will be consequences tomorrow.
And then after two weeks you suddenly start feeling like a parasite, a waste of space and oxygen, a drain on society who doesn't even deserve the ground you walk on or the library books you take out. You wander around in your sloppy shorts in the middle of the day and you look at the people in their business clothes and enviously think about how they have jobs, how they know that they are earning income and not slowly, torturously draining their savings dry.
I know that once I'm working again I'll complain about my schedule and there will be a whole new slew of mistakes to worry about pre-slumber. But at least I'll be able to appreciate my downtime again.

UPDATE

2 months to the day since my last post...damn, I'm good.
In the last two months I have:
A. Gained a boyfriend (a real one)
B. Lost a job(by choice, mind you)
C. Performed in a critically acclaimed show featuring full frontal nudity (not mine, mind you)

In the last two months I have NOT:
A. Cleaned my room thoroughly
B. Eaten enough fruits and vegetables
C. Put all my socks in matching pairs


Plus ca change, as they say in France. In America we say....

Tomorrow is the start of my new and productive and organized and well-fed and well-rested and well-hydrated life.

Gender Wars 2006

The following is an actual transcript of an incident that took place at school:

Boy Kindergartener: Girls are stupid!
Girl Kindergartener:Yeah, well...you're not a boy, you're a girl!
Boy Kindergartener: Yeah, well...you're not a girl, you're a boy!
Girl Kindergartener:(picks up pencil, stabs boy kindergartener in the face. Chaos ensues.)