Dramedienne

Overdue Guilt

2007-07-15T17:33:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I start my new job as a library clerk. I am very excited, but I am also filled with a terrible fear that the Library Mafia has somehow tipped off the folks at my new place of employment that I am a repeat offender, an unregenerate late-returner who shamelessly lets her fines accumulate until they reach $5.oo and I am no longer allowed to take anything out. At which point I fork over the dough and search frantically through my messy room until I find the items in question. I'm afraid I will be met at the door by the library equivalent of a bouncer and tossed out on my ear or, even worse, forced to wear a scarlet O on my chest until I have repented.

In other news...I have made a vow to reread the entire Harry Potter series before Saturday. Who needs sleep anyway?

Things I've Done

2007-07-08T17:28:00.000-07:00

15 Things I've done since my last post
1. Broke all my New Year's Resolutions
2. Finished The Brothers Karamazov, which was last year's New Year's Resolution
3. Moved to the suburbs to live with Handsome Boyfriend and World's Two Greatest Cats
4. Acquired a car
5. Relearned how to drive said car (as long as I don't have to go on the highway)
6. Got hit by by a bicycle
7. Worked many temp jobs
8. Learned that I do not enjoy office work
9. Learned that I may, however, enjoy office work more than serving coffee
10. Got a new job in a library
11. Paid roughly 24 dollars in overdue fines (to a different library)
12. Drank way too much wine
13. Played the lead in a Tennessee Williams play directed by an Enigma-obsessed madwoman
14. Mourned the fact that I put three months into it and no one saw it.
15. Learned that I am going to be an aunt next September.

5 Things I Haven't Done
1. Been to the dentist to get my 3 alleged cavities filled
2. Worn matching socks
3. Eaten 5 servings of fruits and vegetables every day
4. Unpacked
5. Blogged

Look at me, I'm blogging!

2007-01-07T18:17:00.000-08:00

Shockingly enough, I have already broken pretty much all of my New Year's Resolutions. But if I 'm quick, I can still keep the one about blogging once a week.

Although at first Blogger wouldn't let me in because it claimed my cookie functionality was impaired. That really hurt my feelings. My cookie functionality is just fine, thank you. The fact that the last time I baked was roughly 1992 doesn't mean that I couldn't if I wanted to.

2006-10-31T05:41:00.000-08:00

For Halloween this year I've decided to be a Responsible Adult. I haven't figured out the details of the costume yet, but matching socks will definitely be involved.

Workless

2006-07-27T21:15:00.000-07:00

Unemployment is fun for the first two weeks. You revel in sleeping late, spending hours at the gym without having to rush off anywhere, you fall asleep at night blissfully free from worrying about all the stupid things you did at work that day and wondering if there will be consequences tomorrow.
And then after two weeks you suddenly start feeling like a parasite, a waste of space and oxygen, a drain on society who doesn't even deserve the ground you walk on or the library books you take out. You wander around in your sloppy shorts in the middle of the day and you look at the people in their business clothes and enviously think about how they have jobs, how they know that they are earning income and not slowly, torturously draining their savings dry.
I know that once I'm working again I'll complain about my schedule and there will be a whole new slew of mistakes to worry about pre-slumber. But at least I'll be able to appreciate my downtime again.

UPDATE

2006-07-16T18:39:00.000-07:00

2 months to the day since my last post...damn, I'm good.
In the last two months I have:
A. Gained a boyfriend (a real one)
B. Lost a job(by choice, mind you)
C. Performed in a critically acclaimed show featuring full frontal nudity (not mine, mind you)

In the last two months I have NOT:
A. Cleaned my room thoroughly
B. Eaten enough fruits and vegetables
C. Put all my socks in matching pairs

Plus ca change, as they say in France. In America we say....

Tomorrow is the start of my new and productive and organized and well-fed and well-rested and well-hydrated life.

Gender Wars 2006

2006-05-16T19:48:00.000-07:00

The following is an actual transcript of an incident that took place at school:

Boy Kindergartener: Girls are stupid!
Girl Kindergartener:Yeah, well...you're not a boy, you're a girl!
Boy Kindergartener: Yeah, well...you're not a girl, you're a boy!
Girl Kindergartener:(picks up pencil, stabs boy kindergartener in the face. Chaos ensues.)

Passover Easter

2006-04-13T19:03:00.000-07:00

One of the kids in the (mostly Jewish)school where I work asked me if I was Jewish. I responded 'half' and he looked at me in a way that implied that I had lost it completely, burst into uncontrollable giggles, and ran off to crumble crackers and spill juice with the rest of his kindergarten cronies.
I can understand that.
I never know how to answer that question. If I say yes I feel like a liar. I've never been in a synagogue, I go to church every Sunday, and the extent of my knowledge of Judaism is that I can tell a matzoh from a challah.
But there's no way I could ever say no either, not with my Jewish father and my Jewish nose and hair and my Jewish last name.
So 'half' is the best I can do without launching into a long-winded explanation of my personal belief system which no one wants to hear, least of all 5-year-olds.
Makes me miss the days when it was all about the chocolate bunnies.

Three Things that Make Me Go Hmmmmm?

2006-03-26T19:09:00.000-08:00

Thing One: I found my first grey hair today.
Thing Two: I spent five minutes searching frantically for my (new) cell phone before realizing that I was, in fact, talking on it at the time.
Connected?I wonder.....
Thing Three: Current Object of My Affection (COMA for short) asked me to go see Brokeback Mountain on Tuesday. Am not sure whether I should be impressed that he is sensitive enough to want to see Brokeback Mountain or appalled because he claims he can't go unless there is a woman accompanying him.

Phones and Faith in Humanity

2006-03-22T19:30:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday, I lost my cell phone. It was midnight and I'd consumed more Tanqueray and tonic than was strictly good for me, but even in my drunken stupor I knew that losing my phone was a bad thing. So I called my number and when a gentleman picked up, I demanded ,"Do you have my phone?And are you going to give it BACK?" and a weary but kind voice assured me that yes he did and yes he would and where would I like him to leave it?I apologized profusely for my rudeness, asked him to return it to the T station where I lost it, and went to sleep, secure in the knowledge that my phone was in good hands.
That was 6 days ago. I've been calling every day. No phone. Today I caved and paid a small fortune to replace it. But I'm still hoping. Hoping it'll get returned before my 14 day window to return phone #2 is up and that my hitherto untarnished faith in The Goodness of Random People who find Lost Stuff will be restored.

Spring!

2006-03-10T20:14:00.000-08:00

Spring is here!

I was leaving the gym today and I was in a foul, foul mood and tired and crabby and cursing the world ...and then I got outside and the sun was out and it was 60 degrees and the air was soft and I was perfectly comfortable without my gloves and scarf and hat...and I swear, my heart, like the Grinch's, grew three sizes in two seconds. Makes you wonder...maybe people who live in California really are happier and not just deluded.

Lent is hard

2006-03-09T20:48:00.000-08:00

This year for Lent I have given up celebrity gossip. I realized that some mornings I wake up and the first thought in my sleepy brain is "Did TomKat break up yet?And that is a big problem. Not that I don't have a million other bad habits I should give up for Lent (drinking, sugar, sloth, sloppiness)but celebrity gossip seemed manageable. But it's been hard to define the battle lines. If it's in a real newspaper I can read it...(it's news, after all) but clearly reading US or People at the gym is out (difficult, considering that reading US and People is half the reason why I go to the gym in the first place.)Can I make exceptions for special events like a dentisit's appointment?(what else is there to do in the waiting room?)

In any case, I hope that if something truly earthshaking like a second Britney-K-Fed offspring happens, someone will let me know. But I guess as a good Episcopalian I won't be able to listen.

A love story between a girl and her bed

2006-02-24T19:04:00.000-08:00

I am so tired....I hate to start a new blog on such a languid note, but really, what else is there to say?It's Friday night and all day long I've been fantasizing about that moment when I can slip into sweats and thick socks, crawl under my down comforter, and just let go of everything.

Ohhhhh....sleep. Is there anything better ?